Been a while, I've been busy but also lost my mojo a bit for blogging lately. Had a few ups and downs, life's difficult at times.
My pain levels go up and down but more up than down to be honest with you. When I finished taking letrozole at the start of the year, I was taking it for breast cancer, I hoped the pain might subside a bit as I was told it could make joint pain and arthritis worse. Yes it made it worse, or was it naturally about to get worse anyway when I began taking it, who knows? Unfortunately the pain stayed the same. Life sucks.
Walking is too painful now, standing is agony, a minute standing and I have to take a seat. Even just lying in bed, which used to bring relief, is painful. Take this morning for instance, lie on right side, hip sublaxes. Turn on to left side, aches and pains everywhere, shoulder painful. Sit up in bed, back is agony. I'm just so fed up I don't know what to do with myself. Living in a world of pain constantly is no fun.
I try to keep occupied, I had some lovely really good colouring pencils for my birthday so I draw and I make cards. I don't know if my drawings are very good but I enjoy it. People seem to like them, or maybe they are being kind. Makes me laugh when people call themselves artist and they arranged a pile of rubbish in the centre of a bed and put it on display as art! That's not art, it's a pile of rubbish on a bed!!
My mobility scooter is my lifeline, it's also at times, a hated object. It gives me independence, I can get to the shops, library, doctors, take the dogs for a walk, enjoy the lakes in the village, meet people, visit friends, freedom in other words. It's also my restriction, I need it to get around, my walking is so restricted, so painful, so short, that I literally cannot manage to walk any distance. Walking from lounge to toilet is a struggle, walking from lounge to kitchen is a struggle. When I reach the kitchen I sit on a high stool to make a cup of tea, I cannot stand to wait for the kettle to boil! When I leave the house I go on my mobility scooter or in the car, then use my mobility scooter when I reach my destination, I have a small one which folds and fits in the boot. I just wish I could walk around freely as I used to, I wish my independence was my own two feet, not four wheels. I am lost if my scooters break down, a puncture can make me stressed as I know that's me out of action. I must always ensure the batteries are charged. All kinds of things can go wrong, after all its mechanical, and mechanical things can have a tendency to break down, however well made, however well looked after, however well serviced. Mechanical fault now worries me more than it should. I suppose the mechanics of my body have let me down, my joints have crumbled, seized, been overused. Being hypermobile brings a lot of problems to a bodies joints, over extension of joints is regretted in later life, once you realise what damage it's done to back, hips, knees to do the splits, high kicks, tie your legs around your neck, all the party tricks which others couldn't do, which freaked your friends out. My knees bend backwards, as do my elbows, my thumb bends backwards to my wrist, things which have provided entertainment and made friends say yuck!
Arthritis, hypermobility syndrome. IBS. All part and parcel, hand in hand.
As I said, life sucks.
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