I don't particularly like this getting older lark. I do seem to be getting older, at least my body does, much quicker than I anticipated, having hypermobility syndrome means that although I have excessive movement in my joints, I can still bend over and put my hands flat on the floor whilst keeping my legs straight (yes actually my knees bend backwards!) but I can't stand for long or walk far! Although my joints are supple, or some of them still are, most of them hurt like hell a lot of the time. No, when I say most of the time, some of my joints hurt all of the time. Take my back for instance, the pain in my lower back never really leaves me, it can ease slightly, it moves, it spreads, but it's always there!
There are other things I dislike about getting older, no energy, I do one thing, I am exhausted. I don't mean tired, or a bit weary, or slightly worn out, I mean full on, can't stand up, can't even think about moving, exhausted! Or again is that part of my hypermobility syndrome? Well yes, if I'm honest, trying to carry out day to day tasks with a loose jointed body that doesn't quite fit together, which moves sometimes in a different way to how you expect, takes every ounce of energy available, leaving none left over! I attribute some of the tiredness and lack of energy to getting older, simply because I used to have more energy when I was younger, mind you much, much younger, than I am now, and I've always had hypermobility syndrome! Then bring constant pain into the equation, that is exhausting.
I don't like the fact that I have to dye my hair, well Rachael my lovely talented hair dresser does, every few weeks, otherwise my barnett would sport silver streaks. I'm banned from dying my own hair now, even though it would be much cheaper, I kept dying the bathroom! I can't help it I need to take off my glasses and I can't see enough to tell where I've dropped blobs of hair dye without my specs!
Then we come to teeth. True I have a sweet tooth. I wasn't prepared for the bits falling off my teeth, the cracking of teeth leaving me with some teeth that are only half there! My jaw is hypermobile too which can be a bit awkward if I yawn too much and find myself stuck, mouth open! Massage and brute force comes in handy!
Then there are elasticated waist bands, or as predictive text would have it domesticated waist bands. I swore I wouldn't use elasticated waist bands, they are for old people I said. They are soooo comfortable! They are also easy to get on when in pain, after all leggings have elastic waist bands, and everyone wears leggings , don't they? On the subject of leggings ladies, please please please only wear them with a longer top which covers your bottom, for older ladies preferably one which comes to your knees! Don't wear them with a jumper or top that comes just past the waist, they are, after all, really thick tights, or in some cases if you bought your leggings really cheaply or a size too small so you have to stretch them a lot to cover the area in question, really quite thin material, I've seen quite a few ladies wearing leggings with a shorter top, with next week's washing shining through for all to see! Cover up ladies, nobody wants to see if you wear big pants or a thong! These unfortunate people have often been with friend, boy friend, partner or whoever, you would think they would say "don't go out like that, I can see your knickers", now wouldn't you.
But I digress, what has all that to do with ageing? Well quite a lot as it happens because I digress quite a bit if I'm chatting to someone, I forget what I'm talking about mid sentence and waffle on about an entirely different subject before I remember I wasn't talking about that one in the first place! I'm often stuck for a word mid sentence too, I know it's in there somewhere but it won't come out, it's very frustrating! "Now where was I?" Is an offt heard phrase in our house! When my friend and I get together for coffee it's "what was I just saying?" "I can't remember" "it will come back to me in a minute!" Words I have known how to say for many years, and know very well the meaning of, elude me, sit taunting me somewhere at the back of my brain, making me feel idiotic because I have once again stopped mid sentence because I have forgotten the word I need, or have lost my train of thought altogether!
Then there is the creaking, and I'm not talking doors, I'm talking my knees! I walk upstairs, it sounds like I'm stepping on twigs! They hurt too, and are swollen, they have had years of over use, and bending backwards as they do even more use than you would expect. At a back pain centre years ago we were learning the Alexander technique, which is all about posture. We all took turns to stand centre circle, the others in the group saying if our shoulders slouched, if we bent slightly, when my turn came the physio said "you have perfect posture" then spoilt it by saying "except for one thing, your knees bend backwards!!" I knew I was hypermobile, or double jointed as it was called years ago, but even I didn't realise my knees bent backwards! All those years I thought I was standing with my legs straight but I was actually bending them backwards without realising it! No wonder my knees creak and grind, swell and ache, they have had a lot of punishment in 58 years! One doctor told me years ago I shall need them both replacing, I think I've come to that stage now, I cannot kneel down the pain is excruciating I would hit the roof, but with hypermobility syndrome operations of this kind aren't a good thing, I have faulty collagen you see which affects joints, muscle, ligaments, tendons, well virtually everything, so operations to replace joints may not be successful.
Then there are my hands, some joints have enlarged due to arthritis so I can't get my rings on anymore, or in some cases off, and holding a pen, pencil, paint brush, sewing needle, icing bag, is painful. Squeezing an icing bag is to me now an achievement, I might just about get happy birth written before my fingers become too painful and to think I used to stand in my kitchen for hours icing elaborate cakes for my kids birthdays. I'm sad I can't manage so well now, especially with a beautiful 3 year old granddaughter to make and ice cakes for. Looks like I'm in for some pain come July, her 4th birthday cake might be a lot simpler than I would have liked.
That's the good thing about getting older, if you are lucky you will get grandchildren, she brings us so much joy and laughter, so much pleasure.
It's too sad for words if you have to see your own children suffer, or be unhappy. That for me, is the very worst thing about getting old. I protected my kids when they were little, got told off for being over protective as they got older, now they are adults I can do little or nothing to protect them from hurt. I wish I could give them the world.
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